WE ARE
ALL CONCERNED

Contribute to suicide prevention in gaming communities

INTRODUCTION

First of all, I would like to thank you for your interest in suicide prevention.

Too many people in the community have taken their lives and it is time for that to change. Although the subject may still be taboo and difficult to approach, it is important to stay informed. I designed this website for online video game fans, but the information and courses of action that it offers are adequate for everyone, regardless of the environment.

It is based on the training that I followed in the Canadian Armed Forces, on my experiences with people in distress, as well as on the multitude of resources available on the net, notably those proposed by the Association québécoise de prévention du suicide and all its partners. You are currently reading the third version of the guide, which has been updated with this website and adapted for international distribution.

Thank you for getting involved with me for this important cause,

François Savard
Practitioner-researcher in Game Studies
President of the Virtual Guardians Foundation

IMPORTANT

⚠️ While this website can provide useful tips and tools, it is not a substitute for suicide prevention training. Reading it will make you an informed citizen, but not a qualified professional. In addition, the site contains a great deal of information. I recommend adding it to your bookmarks and revisiting it from time to time or when you have questions.

⚠️ If you're under 18 : Don't hesitate to talk to an adult. It's the best way to help him or her, prevent suicide and find support.

⚠️ For community leaders, coaches, educators and group leaders : As a leader, it's your responsibility to ensure the well-being of your subordinates and members. Suicide prevention training is highly recommended. Of course, you shouldn't put too much responsibility on your shoulders. If you work with moderators or other administrators, recommend that they read this website. Being on the front line, they are often in the best position to detect distress signals or calls for help.

Some definitions :

  • Suicidal ideation – Any form of thought that reveals a possible suicidal intent or that tends towards suicidal intent.
  • Suicide attempt – A deliberate act against one's self intended to end their own life, with the intention to cause their own death, and where the person survives.
  • Suicide – A deliberate act to end one's own life where the result is death.
  • Stress – State of disruption provoked by aggressions.
  • Depression – A mental disorder that may be marked by sadness (or anger) with psychological pain, loss of self-esteem, psychomotor slowdown, and/or loss of interest.

UNDERSTANDING THE PERSON
VULNERABLE TO SUICIDE

A person who thinks about suicide believes that they are worthless, that no one can help them and that things will never change, which makes asking for help difficult.

In reality, they do not want to die. Rather, they want to stop suffering and they contemplate suicide to silence their distress.

Their judgement is often affected by their suffering. They are sometimes not able to make the right choices and asking for help can seem overwhelming. Hence the importance of reassuring them and helping them find resources.

To help them, it is important to be proactive, to show them that they are important, and to listen to them with empathy and without judgement. Their cries for help should be taken seriously and they should be encouraged to speak to someone equipped to help them.

If you are under 18 and are worried about a friend or a member of your community, talk about it to a trusted adult. Do not be alone with your worries. What matters is to be discreet.

MYTHS AND STEREOTYPES

If you ever come across this kind of situation, do not hesitate to ask for help.
Even if you only have small doubts, do not take a chance.

Suicide occurs without warning

FALSE

It is possible to identify suicidal people. Even with the most impulsive people, suicide is rarely something spontaneous. Before the person makes a suicidal gesture, there will be signs and symptoms that can be detected. It is not uncommon for a person with suicidal thoughts to try different calls for help. It is always important to stay tuned and listen.

Anyone who is suicidal seems depressed

FALSE

Although the suicidal person may be depressed, not everyone will show signs of depression. On the contrary, some people appear tough and callous, while others are in good spirits and very active. It is important to pay attention as these behaviors can be used to hide great sadness and thoughts of suicide.

Suicidal people really want to die

FALSE

The deepest desire of a suicidal person is to stop suffering, not to end their life. In fact, the person is ambivalent about their desire to live and their desire to die. The person comes to this extreme because they feel that nothing else can reduce their suffering.

It takes courage/cowardice to die by suicide

FALSE

The principle of courage, cowardice, or other synonyms/ antonyms, does not apply in the context of a suicide since suicide does not come from a choice in itself, but rather from the fact that the person does not see alternatives. From the person's perspective, there is no other choice. So it is neither cowardly or courageous, it is a gesture of desperation.

Talking about suicide encourages comitting suicide

FALSE

Suicide is not an easy topic to talk about, but it is essential to do it when we doubt that something is happening. Talking about it does not encourage committing suicide. Conversely, it offers them the possibility of expressing themselves. Never challenge a person to commit suicide.

Once a person is suicidal, they will never change their mind

FALSE

When someone is suicidal, it is never too late to find help. There are specialists and treatments available that will allow them to get back on their feet.

People who threaten suicide are just seeking attention

FALSE

Even if they seem repeated or exaggerated, suicidal words are a cry for help. The real danger is that the people around you get used to them and stop taking them seriously. However, if the person continues to talk about it, it's because he or she is still suffering. If nothing changes, the situation is likely to get worse.

Improvement following a suicide attempt or an intervention means that the danger has passed.

FALSE

A suicidal person may seem happy following a suicide attempt or a procedure, but this does not necessarily mean that the danger has passed. A drastic change in mood, especially if the person suddenly seems happy when nothing is fixed, can indicate great danger. Indeed, a suicidal person may feel relief after having planned to commit suicide.

We can’t help a suicidal person without a professional

FALSE

Anyone can help someone who is vulnerable to suicide. In times of suffering, a loved one, a friend, or even a colleague can make a difference by providing support. Further in this guide, you will find prevention measures that you can put in place today.

RECOGNIZING THE SIGNS

It is necessary to be vigilant. People who think about suicide usually show signs of distress or clues of their intentions that can alert their relatives, friends or parents. These signs can be words, behaviors, emotions, or cognitive clues.

Verbal or written messages, direct or indirect

Examples : I want to commit suicide • I want to kill myself • I no longer want to live • Life is not worth it • I will never get out of this • I wish I never woke up • You would be much better without me • Soon you will have peace, I will get out of your hair • etc.

Symptoms of depression

Examples : Weight loss or gain • Insomnia or hypersomnia • Fatigue or lack of energy • Loss of interest or pleasure • Sadness • Anxiety • Anger or aggressiveness • Difficulty concentrating and memory loss • Suicidal thoughts • etc.

Cognitive clues

Examples : Difficulty concentrating • Inconsistency and confusion in language • Fixations • Lack of motivation • etc.

Behavioral clues

Examples : Change in behavior / habits (The person isolates themself: they no longer connect to their usual communication servers / put their status to appear "offline" – Plays a lot more than before/does not disconnect – Takes time off work to play – Spends a lot of money on online games) • Donations of objects (game console, object of sentimental value, etc.) • Writing a suicidal intent letter • Sudden interest in the question of suicide and for the means to take one's life • Spontaneous remission (the person suddenly appears relieved, but nothing is resolved) • Neglect of the body, of hygiene • etc.

In addition to signs of distress, some difficult events can tell us if we need to be worried about the person

Examples : Significant loss (breakup, grief, employment, money, etc.) • Moments of transition • Legal issues • Aggravation or increase of consumption • Relapse/withdrawal or comedown of stimulant • Event experienced with shame (failing an important exam, repeating a year, bankruptcy, etc.) • Trauma (sexual assault, etc.) • Failure or perception of failure • Notification of a diagnosis of a serious illness or mental health disorder • etc.

ACTING FOR PREVENTION

There are several actions that you can take now to help prevent suicide.

Inform yourself

Understanding what suicide is and being well informed about it is the first step to take.

Good news! By reading this website you are already showing that you are in the right direction. Being educated on the subject will allow you, among other things, to better spot the signs. Consult the "Resources" section as well as the "Reference books and sources" section for several useful links on the subject.

Receive training

Learning on your own is good, but proper suicide prevention training includes practice in simulations that is difficult to have when you are alone. In Quebec (Canada), the Agir en sentinelle pour la prévention du suicide training would be a good example since it is aimed at adult citizens likely to be in contact with people vulnerable to suicide through work, their volunteer activities or the place they occupy in their community.

The Virtual Guardians Foundation and some of it's partner have joined together to create an online training module dedicated to an introduction to suicide prevention in online communities. Register here to be informed when the module will be available to the general public : [LINK COMING SOON]

Take care of your own mental health

Taking care of others is important, but taking care of yourself is even more so. Just like physical health, there are different exercises to take care of your mental health, reduce and control your stress levels, develop your resilience and perseverance, strengthen your mind, etc. If you have any doubts that you need help, do not hesitate to speak to a professional as a precaution. If you feel the urge to rest, do not hesitate to take sick leave. Your mental health is as important as your physical health.

Establish a network of sentries

As a community leader, you could create a network of trained sentries. Thus, a few people in your network will be able to take a vigilant look at the most vulnerable members and act in a safe manner if necessary. To set it up, contact the organizations in your area, mentioned above.

TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE

When someone around us thinks about suicide, we may feel helpless and wonder what to do to help them. Addressing the issue is not easy, but it remains essential: loved ones and members of online communities can play a key role in suicide prevention.

How to talk about suicide?

  • Be yourself. It is not necessary to be a responder to address the subject.
  • Allow yourself to tell the person that you are concerned about their words, behaviors or attitudes and that you are concerned for their well-being.
  • Ask them the question directly: "Are you thinking about suicide?" This will help you get a clear idea of the person's intentions. By asking directly, you are not suggesting the idea to them, you are opening the door to the expression of their suffering.
    • If the answer is "no", but you still have doubts, tell them that you are available to talk with them if they feel the need. You can let the person know that if they have suicidal thoughts, you would like them to tell you about it or tell a loved one.
    • If you are still very worried, it is possible to ask their friends and family for more information. You are probably not the only one who noticed that something was wrong. These people will be able to take action and pay more attention.
    • If the answer is "yes", always take this information seriously and stay calm. Ask them if they have thought about taking their life, and where and when they would do it. Tell them that they were right to trust you and that you will find a resource with them that can help them. (See Resources section)
  • Even if the person in distress has explained their plan to you in detail and plans to act on it at a later date, or even if their plan is incomplete, steps can be taken to help them now. The faster they are undertaken, the faster the results are likely to bear fruit. A new event could precipitate the suicidal act.
  • It is best to have this conversation in person. However, the reality of online communities means that it is not always possible to visit the person by yourself, or to send another member who lives nearby there. During the conversation, try to get their exact address and phone number (or even their IP addess); they will come in handy if things get serious, but do not stop yourself from talking with the person if you do not have them.
  • If you are with the person in distress, remove any items they might use to hurt themselves. Guide the situation calmly and do not use force. If you communicate online, your options are more limited on the control of the environment, but that does not mean that you cannot do anything. The simple act of listening and showing a genuine interest in the person can help confort them and show them that there are people out there who care about them. You can ask the person to make their environment safe (e.g. entrust their medication to a loved one).
  • If you fear for their safety and they absolutely do not want to cooperate, do not start arguing with them or trying to use force to make them do anything. Contact one of the resources in your area that you will have previously identified. (See Resources section)
  • If the situation is critical and you fear for their immediate safety or yours (e.g. during your discussion, the person suddenly disconnects after having said that they were going to take action), you can also contact the emergency services in your region (911 in North America and 112 in Europe). In some states of the world, such as Quebec, police forces have received training on the subject and it is their job to act for the well-being of citizens in need. The police will take the person in distress directly to the emergency room of a hospital where they can be seen by a specialist. It is 100 times better to have a friend or coworker mad at you than to have to go to their funeral. They will eventually understand that you have acted for their sake.
  • Helping someone does not mean doing everything for them. Remember that you can help a suicidal person but you are not responsible for their actions. Suicide is a complex phenomenon. People have lost a loved one by suicide when the latter had verbalized their intentions. Others have attempted to ask the question, but have not received clear answers or have not had opportunities to discuss it. Talking is unfortunately not a guarantee that the person will not act or that they will get better quickly. However, not speaking will certainly not work. The environment of a suicidal person can play a role, but it is in no way responsible for their well-being and their actions. Relatives do what they can with the information they have.
  • It is important to be wary of sudden improvement in well-being when nothing has changed. This can be a warning sign of a suicidal act. When in doubt, speak openly.

Some of this advice is taken from the website www.howtotalkaboutsuicide.com produced by the AQPS. Others are from the ACE model, which consists of three stages: Ask, Care and Escort. Used in the Canadian Armed Forces, but developed by the United States Army, it was specially designed so that members of a unit can act quickly to help their comrades.

ACTIVE LISTENING

Key points

  • If possible, look the person in the eyes
  • Stop all other things that you are doing (e.g.: close your game in progress)
  • Listen not only to the words, but also to the emotions conveyed to you.
  • Be genuinely interested
  • Speak to them alone
  • Allow them to speak freely and without constraint
  • Repeat and reaffirm what they told you:

– "What I understand from what you told me is that…"

– "You feel…"

  • Ask for clarification when they speak generally or with ambiquity, this will allow you to better understand and allow them to clarify their ideas:

– "Are you feeling so bad that you want to take your life?"

  • Pay attention to your own feelings and your own opinions
  • Give them plenty of time when talking or writing to them
  • Stay calm
  • Do not criticize their ideas or argue about their feelings
  • Listen to them by giving them plenty of time when they are looking for their words
  • Have at your disposal the necessary resources to help them

Examples of messages that can be used online

Note: the resources in the examples are offered exclusively to citizens of Quebec (Canada). Replace them with the resources in your area.

BEGINNING MESSAGE:

"Your message worries me. How are you? I would like to listen to you and help you."

MESSAGES THAT MAY FOLLOW THE EXPRESSION OF SUICIDAL IDEAS:

"Thank you for trusting me! I understand that you are currently in a difficult situation. You don't have to go through it alone. Remember that there is help and that there are solutions to your difficulties, even if you do not see them now. Give yourself a chance to get better. Do you know about the https://suicide.ca/? Responders are available 7 days a week, 24 hours a day throughout Quebec. They will help you see the solutions. They will listen to you without judgment. Call, you are important!"

OR

"Remember that suicide is a permanent thing while problems are temporary. With support, you can overcome them. Give yourself a chance, you are important. Chat with a counsellor at https://suicide.ca/. Responders will listen to you without judgment."

RESOURCES

As you can imagine, it is impossible to list in this guide all the resources available everywhere on the planet. I strongly advise you to find by yourself what is available in your country, at the national, provincial, and municipal levels. Unfortunately, not all countries are able to offer suicide prevention or mental health services. If this is the case for you, I strongly encourage you to take an active role in your community to raise awareness of this issue.

GET HELP

YOU NEED HELP RIGHT NOW? Find a ressource near you : https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp

International Association for Suicide Prevention

The International Association for Suicide Prevention has a variety of resources to help you find the right resources in your area, or how to communicate effectively on the subject.
Website : https://www.iasp.info/

World Health Organization

The World Health Organization has many useful resources, data and information related to suicide prevention.
Website : https://www.who.int/health-topics/suicide

Virtual Guardians Foundation

Founded in 2018, the Virtual Guardians Foundation is a registered canadian charity whose mission is to be a beacon on the internet for those in distress as well as to promote the responsible use of digital technology.
Website : https://gardiensvirtuels.org/

STAY INFORMED

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    REFERENCE BOOKS AND SOURCES

    A lot of information comes from various advanced training courses that I have taken during my military career and from my personal experience in the field. However, I have verified, confirmed, and adjusted the information according to the sites and documents below.

    In addition, for this web version of the guide, I would like to give special mention to the Digital Street Workers team at the Virtual Guardians Foundation (notably LadyBlue and Son Off Odin) for their feedback.

    Université Laval's website on suicide prevention : www.aide.ulaval.ca/psychologie/prevention-du-suicide/presentation/

    United States Army Public Health Command : https://health.mil/

    Website of the Centre de Prévention du suicide de Québec : www.cpsquebec.ca/en/

    Des données à l'action – Idées suicidaires et tentatives de suicide au Québec (ministère de la Santé et des Services sociaux du Québec) : publications.msss.gouv.qc.ca/msss/fichiers/2012/12-202-04F.pdf

    La mortalité par suicide au Québec : 1981 à 2015 – Mise à jour 2018 (Institut national de santé publique du Québec) : www.inspq.qc.ca/publications/2345

    The LifeLine Canada Foundation website : thelifelinecanada.ca

    Santé Québec website, section on mental health : sante.gouv.qc.ca/dossiers/dossier-sante-mentale

    Websites of the Association québécoise de prévention du suicide : www.aqps.info & howtotalkaboutsuicide.com

    Wanna help us?

    This website would not be possible without the efforts of the Virtual Guardians Foundation, a charity organization based in Canada. If you like this kind of initiative, don't hesitate to make a donation directly to the organization!